May 02 2021 | Frampton

Today Sunday, with the empty streets and the fir trees swaying on the hill that illustrates my window, I think that I am fulfilling a precept that says: “what you should always do is 1- be grateful, 2- enjoy your present time and space and , 3- follow the flow “. Today I am in a nice apartment anchored in a village of less than 1,300 inhabitants, on the shores of an ocean of pine trees and crystalline waterways. We’ll see what happens next. How will I react to frustrations, boredom, deficiencies, reluctance, loneliness. Today I don’t want and I must not anticipate events even if there are sudden suggestions, articulate voices that indicate the way and, of course, my own needs. I just arrived! Still my things are in the drawers, in the watertight compartments, in the winding paths of my own procrastination. In this sense, I must say that just as I reached that edge of satisfaction when I read the news aloud in English, so I would also like to reach that pasture of personal pride if I get to write in a continuous and professional way and, to enjoy that. To like it so much that it no longer means a sacrifice, an effort. Because I have the feeling that my path is over, the excuses to continue as before are none. To be writing in this space, with the goal of reaching a basic daily objective -750 words-, being aware that other people have done it and, therefore, I am not alone in it, really it is an enormous stimulus. There will be moments of discontinuity, of delays, of seeing my face of frustration on the surface of the deep, dark lagoon. I don’t know why but this time I think the fact of being grateful, enjoying what I get and following the flow, is slowly paying off. All the basic survival conditions are in place to start developing this project, especially because I have many things to tell. Keep with the disappointment of – until now – not having been able to publish a single book, is no longer even a state of false comfort. It is fundamentally suffering. I can’t do it anymore. How many times, riding on my bicycle did I see desolate landscapes pass by where an emerging hut bathed in the light of the sunset, invited me to think that that place would be ideal to settle down and write. I imagined my routine of heating the water to drink my last cup of tea when in the sky, that sky so spacious and transparent, the last vestiges of the day that had already passed were withdrawing. I did not have Internet connection and could perfectly survive without a computer. Write otherwise on sheets of paper, in an old and dirty notebook. I have indeed been in a situation of staying somewhere, like in a monastery, on more than one occasion. I remember that autumn of 2017, when the tourist season came to an end in Santiago de Compostela, Spain, and, like the others, I had to leave the Hostel for Pilgrims “Fin del Camino”, where I was worked, and boarded a train bound for Burgos. From the train station, in Burgos, I took a taxi that brought me to the depths of a forest, to the Monastery of San Pedro de Cardenas, in Castilla y León. What a nice place that was. The Abbot attends me and shows me what would be my room, the kitchen where meals are served. Then he disappears to the upper floors, where the chapel are located. That night after dinner, I have felt so dizzy that I could not stand on my own feet, barely reach to my room dragging myself, a deep crisis of my hypertension were suddenly unfolded. All this being surrounded by shadows, in the most complete solitude. Later I call the ambulance and they take me to the hospital. The next day when I returned to the Monastery, the Abbot told me that this situation is impossible, that I have 2 days to organize my things and leave. The plan to have a roof over my head and start writing had just failed before even started. Today here in Frampton as it gets dark, I feel very grateful and very privileged. The Government tells me in other words: “We give you the money so you can cover your basic needs. From that income that we give you every month, we get back 25% to cover your rent for this beautiful apartment with electricity included. It is exactly $ 212 that you pay back to us and, you already have where to live with dignity. Now, without excuses, you can write your book”.

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